Prenatal Check Up #3

First off, let me say the baby is fine! I wouldn't want to give you the wrong idea when I say this appointment was very disappointing.

Bill and I planned to meet at the doctor's office for the 2 o'clock meeting. Because of bad weather, I left earlier than usual. Because of an impromptu meeting at Bill's work, he left later than usual. He called around 1:45, when I had just arrived, to let me know he was on his way. I told him I was going to go up and sign in, and to call me when he got to the parking lot. I'm used to waiting a little while when I go to the doc office. Who isn't, right?

Well this time, I was sent into ultrasound right away (I was having a special ultrasound for screening for birth defects). This time, it wasn't Vicki or the other ultrasound tech, both of whom are really nice, who saw me. Instead it was, I'm sorry if this term offends you, but a young woman who turned out to be a bit of a bitch. She never introduced herself to me, so I couldn't say what her name is, so I'll just refer to her as "the bitch" - can you tell I'm angry? Okay I won't call her that again, but still, she was!

Anyway, I told the ultrasound tech that my husband was running behind and that I hoped he didn't miss out. She told me to sit on the table and pull my pants down. Just after I got on the table, and maybe I should point out that it wasn't even 2 pm at this time, my cell phone began to ring. I said, "Oh sorry," as I started to get off the table, and she replied, "It's okay. Just let it ring."

At this time she began to tell me something about how I'd get the results back from the screening in about two weeks, as she began the ultrasound. I couldn't follow what she was saying because I was naturally riveting to the image of my unborn child on the display, and what a dramatic difference from my last ultrasound after the bleeding scare, and also feeling a bit shocked that she actually told me not to answer the phone, and most of all I was wondering if Bill was going to get to see the baby, not to mention wondering if the baby was okay, because she wasn't saying ANYTHING reassuring like "everything looks good" or "the baby is developing just as we like to see" - which is how Vicki and the other lady always handle things.

Then she started wiggling the device they rub over the tummy a lot. I gave her a WTF look, and she said "Your baby won't move" - which wasn't very reassuring to hear, let me tell you, and I thought "I wish Bill were here" - I kept expecting a gentle rap at the door, then a helpful nurse ushering Bill into the room, but that wasn't happening. The u/s tech continued to wiggle the thingie across my belly, ask me to cough, then have me turn on my side, then onto my back, in order to try to get the baby to move into a position where she could do what she needed to do. Luckily I had googled the process, so I knew that one thing she was attempting to do was to get a measurement of the back of the baby's neck. She never told me anything about what she was doing. She just complained that I had a "stubborn baby" who was apparently "taking a nap" and giggled a bit, so I decided that the baby must be okay, otherwise she wouldn't be giggling about it. It was a big relief to hear the heartbeat, which was 158. The u/s tech actually commented that it was a good heartrate.

I had told the woman at the front that I was expecting my husband, so I was sure he was probably in the ultrasound waiting area. I just wanted so badly to ask the u/s tech to open the door and see if he was out there, but she was so unfriendly I was afraid to ask her anything. I kept waiting for a good opportunity to suggest that she check the door, and I also kept hoping that someone would knock on the door. I began to wonder if Bill had called because he was delayed, instead of because he was in the parking lot. It was just horrible. I started to get a bit worried about him, too!

Finally, she got the neck measurement. But I swear to you, the baby did not move into a good position for it. I think she just got tired of trying to get my stubborn baby to cooperate and decided to just take what she could get. If I get any funny results on screenings, I'm definitely not taking them seriously.

At this point, I finally screwed up my courage enough to ask her if she could see if my husband was outside the door. I told her I was certain he was out there waiting to come in. She said "We're finished now, anyway." I was like, "Yeah but he could see the baby still." She said, "Well, I'm giving you a picture!"

The worst part was when I opened the door and saw Bill sitting there. It was obvious he was pissed and hurt. That's when I realized that since I had been too much of a wimp to be assertive with an unpleasant woman I barely know, I had hurt the feelings of the father of my child, who had been looking forward to this ultrasound for weeks and weeks. It broke my heart.

We saw our doctor later, and she very apologetic about how long we had to wait to see her. I told her that was fine. Then she asked about the ultrasound and I told her what had happened. She said that she would talk to them about it. She let Bill hear the heartbeat with a doppler unit she had in the exam room. I still love our doctor, she's great.

I apologized to Bill for not standing up to the u/s tech later that evening. He was, of course, very understanding, and more mad at her than me. I promised that I wouldn't let anything like that happen again. And I won't. I have got to get a spine. If I want to have this baby the way I want to have it, I've got to learn to be more assertive with medical professionals and not just let them bully me. I'm sure if I had let my own bitch flag fly, Bill would have been in the room with me for nearly the entire time. The baby may have even been more cooperative, who knows?

Next prenatal appointment is May 4 at 10:30 AM. I'm not sure when the next u/s will take place, but Bill will be there, I promise!

Another thing, I realize that the u/s appointments are for medical purposes and not just a fun opportunity for the parents to see the baby, but come on! It's only natural that parents are going to want to see the baby, so I think it wouldn't have killed her to let him come into the room for a minute and look.